how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
