From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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