Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Randomize
