dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
