I'm gonna have a badass scar
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
