Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
