The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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