I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
