Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
