I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
