I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
