if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
