i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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