if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
no you cant smoke seaweed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
