I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
high people should be assigned attendants
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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