take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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