I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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