i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
