WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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