Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
