fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
