I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
