Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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