doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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