a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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