We need to rekindle our bromance
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
