Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
