yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
