So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize