i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize