Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize