best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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