i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
