...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
