Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
