Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
