He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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