im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
