If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
