Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji

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(913): View more from Kansas

checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist

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(312): View more from Illinois

My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.

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(727): View more from Florida

josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.

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(330): View more from Ohio

he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong

Fav 3 1180 1968
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(347): View more from New York

I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.

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(785): View more from Kansas

He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.

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