The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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