Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
