I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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