so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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