just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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