i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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