Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
We got so high we made milksteak
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
