My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize