I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize