We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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