im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
