Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
