I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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