Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
