He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
