Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
