I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
