The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
