I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
