I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize