alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
your like the ambassador to my penis.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
