This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
