yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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