it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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