When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
