Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
