I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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