hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
