Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
