My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
