he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
