Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
