how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize